am I supposed to do this?
Today is not the best day. Perhaps blogging with the hope that someone will have some words of inspiration will be enough to pull me out of my fits of sobs and on to happier things.
How am I supposed to be a wife, mother, and business partner? The roles I'm forced to take on sometimes makes me feel like I'm not doing any of them justice.
As a wife, I rarely have a suitable lunch or dinner prepared for my family. The house is neat and tidy, but the dust and carpet stains keep thickening.
As a mother, I typically spend most of my time in "survival mode" just making sure Reiny's basic needs are met. Is she fed, is she clean (no...well that can wait 'til tomorrow)? I'm not the fun mom that arranges cool summer projects and fun and educational learning activities for my 2 1/2 year old. I'm lucky if bedtime routine starts early enough that we can actually read a few books together.
As a business partner, I spend most of my time in the office now, arranging shipments, ordering parts, filing monthly and quarterly and even yearly taxes, juggling the finances when the amount of incoming bills outnumber the amount of customers who feel it necessary to pay by the deadline. I'm not out in the field anymore...working where I love to work. I won't be bailing hay this summer, because I'm a mom and someone needs to stay with the child while she sleeps. I'm the one on the phone arguing with the shipping people about the fact that my parts were supposed to be here last week and they're still not here!
Meanwhile, my daughter is at my feet sobbing because she just wants mommy to play dolls or dress-up or even just hold her for one second. My husband comes in the door at the end of the day, exhausted and disgusted with how his day went, and looking around there's no indication that I've managed to accomplish anything with my day...dinner's not fixed, the shipment's still not here, and his daughter's not been bathed in a week.
Now here I am, 5 months into my 2nd pregnancy just picturing what this time next year will bring...even less time with my husband as he attempts to pick up the slack for his wife who, believe it or not, is not super woman, a 3 1/2 year old who just wants Mommy to play dress up, and an 8 month old crying because she hasn't had her diaper changed in a month. I still won't be the best wife, mother, or business partner I could be because that's too many roles to fill well.
Where do I let go? I can't stop being a mom or wife, and if I quit helping with the business then Jordan will certainly find himself in jail because there's no way he has any idea the amount of paperwork it takes each month to keep him legal.
I need a miracle...
The past week's happenings...
13 years ago
4 comments:
SUSAN! I want to drive up there right now and give you a BIG hug and then kick you in the BUTT! You are being too hard on yourself. We always hear the saying that we are our own worst critics and that is SO true. I feel sorry that you are having these feelings, but I think all wives/mothers/working moms feel this way. Always remember how blessed you are to have a wonderful husband, healthy daughter, and family who loves and supports you. Reiny is so LUCKY to have you as a mom and you are an amazing mother. I know this because I have seen it. Take time for you! Read a book, relax with a movie, take a bath...the other things can wait. Happy Susan=happy family. Or you can always come to visit us :)
One moment at a time - I know it is so overwhelming and I have told you in the past, "You are more of a woman then I will ever be." Keep your head high and know that you are loved and that you are doing the best you can for the moment - the Lord provides the rest - we are promised that.
I wish I could help you - I saw that you called - I was on the phone with the girls that I have not seen in 12 days.
You are stronger than - you always have been!
You are truly an amazing person and I promise the first 12 months of the second's life is hard but after that you get the hang of it and it is enjoyable. And hopefully I will have quit working by the time you have this next daughter of God so I can come and help in any manner needed.
Sure do love you! AND THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE WONDERFUL 4TH OF JULY!
You do not have to be super wife or super mom or super business woman. You just need to be you. May be it is time for you to realize that there is no super wife, mom or business woman. You have so much and you give so much. I think it is time for others to give back to you.
Just take a deep breath and repeat after me.....Everything will be fine. It will all work itself out.
I know how you feel with responsibilities. I work full time and have begun slacking on my wifely/motherly duties as well. It happens. Nobody's perfect no matter how hard we try. You're a wonderful wife and mother.
My poor kids are suffering as I want nothing to do with them when I come in exept for the "hello hug" that I look forward to all day. I work with between 15-20 3-5 yr olds on a daily basis and have had enough by quitting time. Not to mention that my hubby's the one that cooks dinner each night after working a full day himself.
You're doing just fine. You're child is still healthy even if she is dirty. A favorite saying in this house is "God made dirt, dirt don't hurt." :) I'm not gonna lie either. It will probably get harder with #2 in the picture, but you're a very strong woman and I have complete faith that you will be able to manage all of your tasks. So you run out of clean underwear.....do a quick load before bed one night so they're at least dry in the morning. I can't tell you HOW many times my poor husband has had to root through the dryer or a laundry basket for his socks and underwear. As long as it gets clean, that's what's important.
I'm sure that if you're anything like me you'll find this next question completely and uetterly crazy, but do you have any "Me" time? I rarely have the chance to escape myself, but I do try to go take a hot soaky.....uninterupted...bath occassionally. I'm lucky to do it once a month, but even stepping outside for 5 min so you can gather your thoughts will help. And above all else you have a Heavenly Father who, believe it or not, will not give you more than you can handle. he loves you and is there for you morning, noon and night. Whatever the time, whatever the problem, he's there to listen. I know I don't talk to him myself, often enough, but I'm trying to make the time for him too. I always have this feeling of peace and a reassurance that all will be just fine, whenever I remember to talk to him.
I love you and am so very sorry that I don't live any closer to be able to help. Just remember you're a terrific mom/wife/business partner.
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