How...just HOW...

am I supposed to do this?

Today is not the best day. Perhaps blogging with the hope that someone will have some words of inspiration will be enough to pull me out of my fits of sobs and on to happier things.

How am I supposed to be a wife, mother, and business partner? The roles I'm forced to take on sometimes makes me feel like I'm not doing any of them justice.

As a wife, I rarely have a suitable lunch or dinner prepared for my family. The house is neat and tidy, but the dust and carpet stains keep thickening.

As a mother, I typically spend most of my time in "survival mode" just making sure Reiny's basic needs are met. Is she fed, is she clean (no...well that can wait 'til tomorrow)? I'm not the fun mom that arranges cool summer projects and fun and educational learning activities for my 2 1/2 year old. I'm lucky if bedtime routine starts early enough that we can actually read a few books together.

As a business partner, I spend most of my time in the office now, arranging shipments, ordering parts, filing monthly and quarterly and even yearly taxes, juggling the finances when the amount of incoming bills outnumber the amount of customers who feel it necessary to pay by the deadline. I'm not out in the field anymore...working where I love to work. I won't be bailing hay this summer, because I'm a mom and someone needs to stay with the child while she sleeps. I'm the one on the phone arguing with the shipping people about the fact that my parts were supposed to be here last week and they're still not here!

Meanwhile, my daughter is at my feet sobbing because she just wants mommy to play dolls or dress-up or even just hold her for one second. My husband comes in the door at the end of the day, exhausted and disgusted with how his day went, and looking around there's no indication that I've managed to accomplish anything with my day...dinner's not fixed, the shipment's still not here, and his daughter's not been bathed in a week.

Now here I am, 5 months into my 2nd pregnancy just picturing what this time next year will bring...even less time with my husband as he attempts to pick up the slack for his wife who, believe it or not, is not super woman, a 3 1/2 year old who just wants Mommy to play dress up, and an 8 month old crying because she hasn't had her diaper changed in a month. I still won't be the best wife, mother, or business partner I could be because that's too many roles to fill well.

Where do I let go? I can't stop being a mom or wife, and if I quit helping with the business then Jordan will certainly find himself in jail because there's no way he has any idea the amount of paperwork it takes each month to keep him legal.

I need a miracle...